Fill the pages in bold, I love you as the words unfold.

my story

Profile

Ivan Lian Jie Sheng
Singapore
A peaceful corner in Tampines
deceight 081289

archdevil89@hotmail.com

MY FACEBOOK

My Darling Cheryl Theo
THAT IS WHAT LIFE IS ALL ABOUT
Sports, read, soccer
Nice tan
The Sun when its needed.
Money
If I like you, its your company.
The carrying out of a process called Slacking.
Nice music
Freedom to do anything i want
5 Aspiration. You guys made secondary school life memorable.

BUT THIS ISN'T
Rainy days when it shouldn't.
Being depressed.
Being lied to.
When I think too much.
left with no money.
my com when it lags.

Tag

<a href="http://www1.shoutmix.com/?archdevil89">View shoutbox</a>
ShoutMix chat widget

Links

Layout: vehemency
Icon: reruntherace

My Own Ramblings In Songs

Andre
Baby Kristen
Caiyun
Chris
Elizabeth
Fadzli
Gerald
Hanyang
Janet
Lindy
Lee Cheng
Leonard
Madeline
Michelle
Pang Chuen
Pearllene
Peng Soon
Pris
Rachel Yeo
Rachel Tan
Rachel Tan's other blog
Rashida
Ramesh
Sarah
Skye
Sheryl
Shuqi
Shuyan
Suzette
V Tay

Hotmail
Soccernet
Man Utd Offical Website
Find lyrics here! But muz sign up 1st
Yahoo

Archives

Wednesday, December 31, 2008, 1:56 AM

I seriously have no idea whats wrong with you.
I don't understand you at all.
We can be happily laughing away and than drop down to not talking at all the next.
wth.
I am sick and tired of you behaving this way.
I didn't do anything wrong and I'm damn sure about it.
You don't believe, done.
I told you the truth but you choose not to believe fine.
Its not up to me anymore.
You just love being that way right.
Even when I asked what wrong did I do you just shake your head.
Cat got your tongue?
Can't you even talk and tell me instead of forever running away from the problem.
If there even is one.
There isn't even one in the first place.
I'm seriously sick of this.
Seriously, if you say you love me as much as you do,
Prove it.
Stop treating me like this.
What do you take me for.
Unless your objective is to push me away.
Than its another story.
I told you before.
You are the one I love.
The only one.
And I'm not finding someone else.
I swear.
My love is true to you.
You can choose to believe or not.
But its said from the heart.
Why isit so hard for you to believe me.
You ask yourself that.

Sunday, December 28, 2008, 11:55 PM

I'M BACK FROM THE LAND OF A THOUSAND SMILES!

Although there was so much hype about the protests, the country overall is still a-ok.
Its still the same actually. With all the swaadeeekapps and all.

SWAADEEEEEEKAPP!

Oh oh.
We took tons of photos and it shall be uploaded soon!

And I totally enjoyed this holiday!
Its the first time we got to spend so much time together without having to say goodbye.
And I loved every moment spent with her.
hehe
The 3 days she was stuck on me like glue on paper....
BUT I LOVED IT.
Wuahahaha.
The only time we got separated was when we visited the toilet.
Thats about it.
The rest of the time we were glued to each other, inseparable. XD
I love my laopo! hehe

3 days seem so short though.
In an instant, I'm back here infront of my computer typing all this down.
Sigh.
If only the trip was extended.
Wouldn't that be great?
The previous night, the news came on and they were saying something about the protesters closing the airport again. But it didn't happen.
Sadly =x
Hahaha!
Opps.

When I left her parents car to drive my dad's car back to the airport and she left,
I kinda felt like something that was part of me was suddenly taken away from me.
Missing.
I didn't like it.
))):
I missed her already. From the moment she left for home.
Sigh.
Someone stop time please.

I'm really looking forward to more holidays with her! =D
Hopefully it'll be soon! =x

Thursday, December 25, 2008, 11:17 PM

We're going on a holiday.
We're going on a holiday.
WE'RE GOING ON A HOLIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

WOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

You know whats so great about this holiday?

Guess?

Give up?

She's coming along!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hahaha.

I can't wait till we're on the plane..

Off to the sunny island of Thailand.

lol.

We're going off tomorrow!

And I needa sleep.

Nights to you.

Whoever you are.

We'll back back on Sunday!

Don't miss me.

HAHA.

Excited!

Wednesday, December 24, 2008, 1:26 AM

Whats wrong with us.
you said this.
How true.
How in an instant, your attitude can suddenly change for the worse.
Or how I'll be left ignored or uncared.
Why can't you share your troubles with me.
Instead of saying nothing.
I'm sick of it.
Its always nothing when obviously there's something.
Although I really hope there's nothing.
I'm stupid but I'm not that stupid.
I'm here for you, so why can't you let me be.
Sometimes,
you realise how easily you get angry or pissed with me.
But,
Over the smallest matter.
Or how your feelings for me fluctuate.
Do you think its fair to me?
I know sometimes you say you can't help it.
But what warrants that in the first place.
Sigh.
Sometimes I don't understand you.
We can be talking normally and the next thing I know you'll go all moody.
Maybe affected by someone else you talking to or thinking of.
I have no idea.
But I hate it.
Cause you wouldn't tell me what or who make you like that.
Sigh.
I really don't understand. :(

Tuesday, December 23, 2008, 1:01 AM

Answer Answer Answer!

A ride of emotions over a period of a few hours.
Sigh.

I was going to meet her at her work place,
even though she was very sian cause of the trip.
I thought maybe if she saw me her mood would lighten up.

But.

Before I even met her,
she messaged that she could go!
and I was way way happier beyond my wildest dreams..
Omg.
If you had seen me then, you would have mistaken me for a mad man.
I'm serious.
I was like smiling to myself the whole time,
Simply overjoyed.
I can't really describe the feeling.
Only that your insides would start dancing to anything,
your mind would go YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY!
Well.
More rather than less.
Yea.
And so I quickly called my mum to tell her after I got her answer.
And guess what.
She said ok!
WOOOOOHOOOO!
My mind was already planning what we could do there,
Imagining the time we would spend there together.
Picturing our first holiday overseas together.
Constant thoughts flashing through my mind.

Met her at Raffles and we took a train down to City Hall cause she needed to go Suntec.
Mail girl. haha =x
Now I was really looking forward to the trip.
Finally we could go on a holiday together albeit not just the two of us.
But its a start ain't it. Considering her parents consent to her going.
Had dinner at pastamania afterwards
but on the train back..

My sad whole little world came crashing down upon me again.
She told me she didn't want to go.
I just expected something like this to happen.
Cause it was really too good to be true to happen to me.
Sigh.
I went from extremely happy to extremely sad in just a few hours.
The irony ain't it.
When someone says something that makes you overjoyed and say another to contradict and bring your world down, plunging it into total disappointment.
I tried persuading her to go.
Tried and tried..
My face literally dropped to the floor with the disappointment.
I couldn't help it.
I already had that thought that she would be going and it took me to the skies.
Then the next thing?
No more. Comes crashing back down to earth.
But after a while she finally changed her mind. (:
We would be stuck together while we're there.
Thats a promise.
All seemed well,
Although she took ages to give me her passport cause she didn't want me to see the photo of hers.
But all was fine.
Everything was settled.
Till I was on the way back.
Wham.
Another blow.
Takes another huge breath out of me.
She didn't want to go again.
Cause of her mum cause of everything.
Sigh.
I'm seriously confused by this constant change of heart.
It ain't right.
Isit so hard just to give a solid, definite answer, one which I can hold on to it with confidence.
I hope not.
Cause an answer has to be given within the next few hours.
=/

Monday, December 22, 2008, 12:23 PM

Its not like I cheated on you.
Its not like I did anything that made you angry.
Its not like I did anything to hurt you intentionally.
Or anything for that matter.
Its over something thats not my fault.
Over something that I can't do anything about it.
And you're doing all this to me.
Why.
You think it doesn't hurt?
You think I wouldn't mind?
You think it really doesn't hurt.
I'm not one who has no feelings.
I do.
And its not only you who lets it drip.
I don't deserve this.
I really don't.
I have done nothing wrong.
Its not my fault and I'm getting all this shit.
I just I'd die right here right now.

12:09 PM

Unbeautiful

Don't hang up, can't we talk
So confused it's like I'm lost
What went wrong, what made you go
Don't pretend you don't know
This is me I'm unchangable

When did we fall apart
Or did you lie from the start
When you said, it's only you
I was blind, such a fool
Thinking we were unbreakable

[Chorus]
It was you and me, against the world
And you promised me forever more
Was it something that I said
Was it something that I did
Cause I gotta know what made me unbeautiful

[Verse 2]
I've been told what's done is done
To let it go and carry on
Deep inside I know that's true
I'm stuck in time, stuck on you
When We were still untouchable

[Chorus]
It was you and me, against the world
And you promised me forever more
Was it something that I said
Was it something that I did
Cause I gotta know what made me unbeautiful

[Bridge]
Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up
Cause I'm only dreaming
Get out, get out, get out, get out
Get out of my head now
Because we're much better altogether
Can't let go

[Chorus] x2
It was you and me, against the world
And you promised me forever more
Was it something that I said
Was it something that I did
Cause I gotta know what made me unbeautiful

It was you and me, against the world
And you promised me forever more
Was it something that I said
Was it something that I did
Cause I gotta know what made me unbeautiful

... Made me unbeautiful

2:21 AM

Read And Understand

What happened to the times of endless laughter.
The times without a care to the world.
The times we spent in each others arms, hours on the end.
The declarations of love for each other.

gone?

I hope not.

Cause I love you.
I know you don't want me to go.
But I really don't have a choice.
I even asked if I could stay.
But its not possible.
So I still have to go whether I like it or not.
Can you take that into consideration before doing all this to me.
Unless its not the actual reason why you're doing all this.
I already gave you a solution.
But you rejected it flat.
It could be the first holiday we spend together.
It could be.
But you don't want to consider the idea.
What else can I do.
I'm just as helpless as you are.
Can you see that.
Yea.
I know at this point of time you'll go enjoy, have fun.
But I don't really need it.
Cause I don't even want to go in the first place.
Plus with the ghost coming along,
I don't want to go even more.
I just wish you could see the situation I'm in before giving me attitude.
I really don't deserve it.
Its not my fault.
I don't have any fault in that too.
So why give me this..
I play no part in the decision making.

If you don't have any feelings for me anymore,
You can just tell me.
Maybe you don't need me anymore.
Maybe there's some other guy in your life.
I don't know.
You don't want to answer me hence the thoughts.
Sigh.
I just hope I'm wrong.

Sunday, December 21, 2008, 11:50 PM

Yea.
We're brainless.
Rubbish.
What else.
Yea.
Its your feelings.
Say what you want.

12:50 PM

Fuck you.

Bloody hell.
You make me angry and you dare give me this attitude.
Seriously, just how much do you care about me.
about my feelings.
I'm supposed to care about yours,
but do you even give a damn about mine.
You didn't want to meet me cause you were tired.
I understand.
When you told me that you're not coming, I thought you would head for home to rest. But no.
The next thing I know, you're out happily drinking, shopping and playing cards.
If you just wanted to stay with your whoever you could have just told me.
Instead of giving me false hope and rub salt into it.
So what if you're tired, or sian, or whatever.
You still stayed on didn't you.
If you went home when you said you were tired,
you think I'll be angry?
No. I wouldn't.
Thanks a lot.
That's how much I mean to you huh.

Saturday, December 20, 2008, 11:51 PM

I'm going to the land of a thousand smiles next week.
yay? I'll miss you loads and loads and loads.
Damn bloody stupid time to go there.
With the country in this state.
Who knows if we'll return on the day we're expected to.
Or even return in the first place.
Will we return?
Will we, will we?
Haha.
Crosses fingers.
Hopefully we'll have an uneventful trip.
And come back safe and sound. into the arms of my laopo..
I don't even want to go in the first place.
But my family is going, so I kinda can't set my mind in peace if they go without me.
One for all, all for one ain't it.
If we don't come back, we'll all don't come back together.
Haha
Oh,
and just now in the car, the news mentioned something about a protest being planned on the day we're coming back.
Hah.
What a time to go.
What a time.
sigh
Or maybe its good to go.
Then, you'll have your free time to do anything you like.
since you like drinking so much you can go drink with whoever.
Can talk to whoever you want.
Go out with whoever you want.
Without me to worry about.
If I would mind or not.
Don't need to report to me or anything.
ha.
Looking on the bright side,
I only need to go for camp for two days in two weeks.
How cool is that.
lol.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008, 3:49 PM

Fked Up.

Pardon the language in the previous post.
I was called all of that.
But I know that I am.
And I deserve it.
ha.
The irony right.
When someone calls you all of that, and you yourself know it.
Sigh.
I'm not going to remove that post,
to remind myself that people look at me that way.
to remind myself that I'm all of that.
Or worse.
Till even those words can't be used to describe.

Sunday, December 14, 2008, 2:25 PM

I.am.a.motherfucker.

I am a motherfucker.
M-O-T-H-E-R-F-U-C-K-E-R.
A jerk.
J-E-R-K.
A bastard.
B-A-S-T-A-R-D.
An ignorant asshole.
A-S-S-H-O-L-E.
An ass.
A-S-S.
A fucker.
F-U-C-K-E-R.
Self centered motherfucker.
S-E-L-F C-E-N-T-E-R-E-D M-O-T-H-E-R-F-U-C-K-E-R.
Capable of nothing.
N-O-T-H-I-N-G.
Bloody idiot.
B-L-O-O-D-Y I-D-I-O-T.
And I suck.
I S-U-C-K.
Yea.
I'm all of the above.
Stay away from me or you'll find all this out yourself.
Keep clear.
Cause I never make anyone happy before.
I don't know how.
I only bring sadness to people.
I.am.a.motherfucker.
Fucking Ivan Lian Jie Sheng.
You don't deserve to even be on the face of this earth.
Get lost from here.
Unwanted piece of SHIT.

4:03 AM

God damned Liar.

Liar.
You tell me one thing.
The next I find out its all a bunch of lies.
Just to save your skin.
Never even talk to them.
Friend came to fetch.
What rubbish.
Fancy you going over to some guy house and drink.
When you say yourself you don't even like it in the first place.
So what even if its a sip. The point is you still drank.
Exceptions with certain people around huh.
Yea.
You did nothing wrong.
Its all my fault for being angry.
Its my fault for being such a bastard.
Yea.
Its not like I didn't tell you before what I didn't like.
But did you care about what I feel?
NO.
You carried on.
And said sorry afterwards.
Now I know why you didn't reply while on the way there.
Too busy with some other fella huh.
And its not like I don't offer to carry your bag.
Someone else offer you have to blog about it with a smile.
Thanks alot.
Thanks ALOT.
Yea.
Thank your friend for telling me you drank too.
Or I'll forever be kept in the dark.
Never knowing just what actually happened.
And its not like I'm the only one who says sorry and expect to be forgiven.
You just said a whole bunch of sorrys and asked to be forgiven.
Even after I was really angry.
And what did you do after saying sorry?
Nothing.
And what you angry with me over.
That takes us forever to quarrel over.
For you to be angry over.
Its only 2minutes. That lasted hours.
You just love it right.
Calling me all those names.
Saying all those things.
I don't deny its not my fault.
But you are seriously over reacting.
Big time.
I already said I was sorry,
I knew my mistake.
Not good enough.
You always want more.
My sorry alone isn't good enough for you.
While your sorry is expected to work wonders.
Pfft.
Whatever.
You gave me a shit post,
I give you mine.
You didn't care about my feelings first.
Ohya. And you have a date I see.
WOW.
Happy dating.
Thanks.
Thanks ALOT.

Thursday, December 11, 2008, 1:26 AM

Are phone calls really that important.
Are they vital in relationships.
Isit even worth getting all upset over it.
Yet another stupid thing to argue about.
You tell me not to be so calculative but here you are,
doing just that.
Why bother with who calls first?
You call, I call, its the same isn't it.
We still talk.
Whats wrong with me not calling.
Its not like I call anyone else to talk to.
I don't.
You keep doubting me.
But why.
What wrong have I done to deserve that.
Cheat on you?
Lie to you?
No.
and No.
I told you once, I told you many times,
I hate people who cheat.
Who 2-time.
Who are unfaithful.
Cause these are the people who don't treasure what they have.
Sometimes I may not think before I talk.
Thats me.
Inborn since I started talking.
But I'm trying to change.
18 years and change in a few months,
Is still quite difficult.
But I am trying.
Although I still do it,
But now more often than not,
I try to stop and think first.

You keep doubting me.
Do you know how much it hurts?
Do you even care of my feelings when you say all those.
Or just go about what you think.

Over one small thing,
You can go all the way to doubting my love.
And you yourself tell me not to think so much.

I have my own way of doing things,
you have yours.
You can't expect me to carry out what you expect from me
when its not what I would do.
Or expect me to know what to say
that is what you expect me to say.
Cause I can't read your mind.
I don't know what you want me to do.
And when it doesn't go what you expect it to,
we have disagreements.
You have to accept that the things I do,
or what I say,
Can't be to what you expect to come from me.
I'm another person with a different way of thinking.
Its different from yours.
So don't close yourself up,
but rather open to what I do or say
And listen, think,
and accept that maybe what I say has some sense worth listening to.
Don't just keep running away from the problem,
but rather, face them with an open mind.
That would cut down on disagreements.
I'm not saying I was never in the wrong,
But rather telling you why you would start doubting in the first place.

Sunday, December 07, 2008, 11:24 PM

Somehow.
One way or another.
I don't quite find tomorrow such a special day after all.
I have no idea why.
Sigh.
Haha.

Friday, December 05, 2008, 1:27 AM

I seriously need payday to come soon.