Fill the pages in bold, I love you as the words unfold.

my story

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Ivan Lian Jie Sheng
Singapore
A peaceful corner in Tampines
deceight 081289

archdevil89@hotmail.com

MY FACEBOOK

My Darling Cheryl Theo
THAT IS WHAT LIFE IS ALL ABOUT
Sports, read, soccer
Nice tan
The Sun when its needed.
Money
If I like you, its your company.
The carrying out of a process called Slacking.
Nice music
Freedom to do anything i want
5 Aspiration. You guys made secondary school life memorable.

BUT THIS ISN'T
Rainy days when it shouldn't.
Being depressed.
Being lied to.
When I think too much.
left with no money.
my com when it lags.

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Icon: reruntherace

My Own Ramblings In Songs

Andre
Baby Kristen
Caiyun
Chris
Elizabeth
Fadzli
Gerald
Hanyang
Janet
Lindy
Lee Cheng
Leonard
Madeline
Michelle
Pang Chuen
Pearllene
Peng Soon
Pris
Rachel Yeo
Rachel Tan
Rachel Tan's other blog
Rashida
Ramesh
Sarah
Skye
Sheryl
Shuqi
Shuyan
Suzette
V Tay

Hotmail
Soccernet
Man Utd Offical Website
Find lyrics here! But muz sign up 1st
Yahoo

Archives

Thursday, July 31, 2008, 9:10 AM

Am I Important To YOU?

I woke up at 8 today, lying on my bed thinking.
maybe I'm a nobody to some people.
maybe not important in some people's lives.
I have no idea.
what the hell.
I had this weird bout of sneezing which prevented me from sleeping back.
Sian.
Oh wells.
I decided to just get up.
An early day for me for once since school ended.
Ok, maybe twice.
I have a driving lesson later on at 12.45.
During the previous lesson, the instructor commented that my driving was quite good and the control was evident.
Thats a good thing to hear one month before TP.
I just want to clear it first time.
Save on retesting money.
Save on PDL money.
Save on lesson money.
god, in this case, CDC, knows what else I save on.
I just need 2 or 3 more lessons and I'm ready for the test according to the instructor.
Driving is fun! (after getting used to the gears, road safety, proper turning of steering wheel,all those random stuff that you have to learn in driving)
anyway. this is just an uninteresting post.
I have half a mind to make my blog private.
but i have nothing to hide.
So for the time being, it shall be just left this way.
Good day, goodbye.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008, 5:37 AM

Hang In There

Hang In There
-Ivan

Hang in there,
When all seems lost,
hang in there,
fate made our paths cross,
hang in there,
you know I'll be there,
hang in there,
this I swear,
hang in there,
I'll be there,
cause I care,

when you feel like nothings going right,
when you feel like giving up the fight,
when you feel like its love that bites,
hold on tight,
even in the middle of the night,
you know you can count on me,
I'll be there I guarantee,
when you feel down and out,
that there are problems you can do without,
or you just want to scream and shout,
I'll be there, that's whats love's all about,
I'll be there whenever you need me,
I won't be there to disagree,
just a simple ring, a shout, a holler,
I'll be there, all shirt and collar,
standing by you through the times,
I'm not just writing to make it all rhyme,
written with a palm facing to the skies,
I just wish I could say it looking into your eyes,

Hang in there,
When all seems lost,
hang in there,
fate made our paths cross,
hang in there,
you know I'll be there,
hang in there,
this I swear,
hang in there,
I'll be there,
cause I care,

Like a scene out of a fairytale,
I'll be your knight in shining armor,
I'll take you away, faraway we sail,
take a note from the farmer,
treasure your crops while they're still around,
cause they might die without a sound,
cherish them like they're flesh and blood,
don't wait till warnings of a flood,
by then it'll be too late to make amends,
everything would come to an end,
loved ones only comes in ones,
living once and they're done,
don't be caught unaware,
don't test the limits as far as you dare,
cause you know I'll be there,

I'll be there,
this i swear,

Monday, July 28, 2008, 1:52 PM

Stupid Phone

I trusted you.
I believed that you could work.
but this time you failed me.
time and time again.
Why.
Why do you keep doing this to me.
After all that we've been through.
After all that we've seen.
After all that we've done.
Now I can't trust you anymore.
I really can't.
I think a trip to the doctor would help.
I have no idea.
I'm just scared.
Scared it'll happen again.
You're just so unreliable now.
I have to keep checking and checking.
Why.
Tell me.
I think its really time to see the doctor.

Stupid phone.

GOT PUNKED?!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA..

But seriously.
my phone is giving me all sorts of problems.
That time I didn't receive any message, I thought what the heck.
And I had to check my inbox to see 3 unread messages. Disaster.
Now it keeps on restarting by itself.
Claims its "improving phone performance".
YEAH RIGHT.
It hangs too by the way.
Its time for a trip to sony ericsson.

1:55 AM

I Will Be - Avril Lavigne

If only you'd realise...

There's nothing I could say to you
Nothing I could ever do to make you see
What you mean to me

All the pain, the tears I cried
Still you never said goodbye and now I know
How far you'd go

Bridge:
I know I let you down
But it's not like that now
This time I'll never let you go

Chorus:
I will be, all that you want
And get myself together
Cause you keep me from falling apart

All my life, I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day
And make everything okay

Verse 2:
I thought that I had everything
I didn't know what life could bring
But now I see, honestly

You're the one thing I got right
The only one I let inside
Now I can breathe, cause you're here with me

Bridge:
And if I let you down
I'll turn it all around
Cause I would never let you go

Chorus:
I will be, all that you want
And get myself together
Cause you keep me from falling apart

All my life, I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day
And make everything okay

Ending bridge:
Cause without you I cant sleep
I'm not gonna ever, ever let you leave
You're all I've got, you're all I want
Yeah

And without you I don't know what I'd do
I can never, ever live a day without you
Here with me, do you see,
You're all I need

Chorus:
And I will be, all that you want
And get myself together
Cause you keep me from falling apart

All my life (my life), I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day
And make everything okay

Chorus:
I will be (I'll be), all that you want
And get myself together
Cause you keep me from falling apart

And all my life, you know I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day
And make everything okay

Saturday, July 26, 2008, 11:24 PM

Murder On The Pitch

I hope tomorrow will be bright and sunny.
where there will be a match.
where there will be a place to put aside the pain.
maybe get pain from another avenue.
maybe inflict some pain to people.
just want to run till i collapse.
i hope i do.
where i wont feel so helpless.
at least i can change something.
right now. nothing seems to be going right.
fuck.
call 995 for me tomorrow.
or maybe for some other player on the pitch.

7:55 PM

I Need You Tonight

Open up your heart to me
And say what's on your mind, oh yes
I know that we have been through so much pain
But I still need you in my life this time

And I need you tonight
I need you right now
I know deep within my heart
It doesn't matter if it's wrong or right
I really need you tonight

I figured out what to say to you
But sometimes the words they, they come out so wrong, always they do
And I know in time that you will understand
That what we have is so right this time

And I need you tonight
I need you right now
I know deep within my heart
It doesn't matter if it's wrong or right

All those endless times we tried to make it last forever more
And baby I know
I need you
I know deep within my heart
It doesn't matter if it's wrong or right
I really need you, oh

I need you tonight (I need you, oh I need you baby)
I need you right now (It's gotta be this, it's gotta be this)
I know deep within my heart
No, it doesn't matter if it's wrong or it's right
All I know is baby
I really need you tonight

2:30 AM

Why

I was in the shower thinking, (yes, again)

What if my phone didn't cock up at the last minute.would things be different. would all this bullshit take place.
Why.
Why is this always happening.
You may say I'm better off without you but I beg to differ.
You make my day, any day.
Its hard to explain matters of the heart.
You may not feel the same way as I do. Maybe it takes time. I have no idea.
I just want us back to normal.
Thats all I ask for. Isit that hard.

1:19 AM

Don't Wanna Lose You Now

I never thought I would lose my mind
That I could control this
Never thought that I'd be left behind
That i was stronger than you, baby
Girl if only I knew what I've done
You know, so why don't you tell me
And I, would bring down the moon and the sun
To show how much I care

Don't wanna lose you now
Baby, I know we can win this
Don't wanna lose you now
No no, or ever again

I've got this feeling you're not gonna stay
It's burning within me
The fear of losing you
Of slipping away
It just keeps getting closer, baby
Whatever reason to leave that I've had
My place was always beside you
And I wish that I didn't need you so bad
Your face just won't go away

Don't wanna lose you now
Baby, I know we can win this
Don't wanna lose you now
No no, or ever again

I never thought that I would lose my mind
That I could control this
Never thought that I'd be left behind
That I was stronger than you

Don't wanna lose to loneliness
Girl I know we can win
Don't wanna lose to emptiness, oh no
Never again

Don't wanna lose you now
Baby, I know we can win this
Don't wanna lose you now
No no, or ever again

Friday, July 25, 2008, 10:54 PM

Leave out all the rest

I dreamed I was missing, you were so scared
But no one would listen, 'cause no one else cared
After my dreaming, I woke with this fear
What am I leaving when I'm done here?

So if you're asking me, I want you to know

When my time comes, forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed
Don't resent me, and when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory, leave out all the rest

Leave out all the rest, don't be afraid
I've taken my beating, I've shared what I made
I'm strong on the surface, not all the way through
I've never been perfect, but neither have you

So if you're asking me, I want you to know

When my time comes, forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed
Don't resent me, and when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory, leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest

Forgetting all the hurt inside you've learned to hide so well
Pretending someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are

When my time comes, forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed
Don't resent me, and when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory, leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest

Forgetting all the hurt inside you've learned to hide so well
Pretending someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are

I can't be who you are

7:36 PM

Where Do I Stand?

the sudden change.
wow.
after everything we did.
you go about and say that.
right now, i don't feel you at all.
you seem like a completely different person altogether.
devoid of feelings.
why.
do i still have a place in your heart.
did i even have one in the first place.

1:38 PM

I just don't know what to think anymore.

I just don't know what to think anymore.

1:53 AM

Lost

I'm just lost.
I don't know what to believe anymore.
I have no idea what is going on right now.
Why does shit always have to happen.
Why can't we be like any normal couple.
I have no idea whats wrong with you.
I have no idea whats wrong with us.
Shit happens. It always does.
Right now, I'm just so tired, so numb.
I feel like lying at the bottom of a pool and stay there.
Lost to the world.
But I won't give up on us.
Unless you want me to.
I fight for what I feel should be fought for.
In this case, its us.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008, 11:57 AM

Boredom

Topic for today: Boredom.

School's out, play's in. but where's the folks? Everyone still has schools and exams to deal with.

I need a job. Or not. Hmm. Maybe I should concentrate on driving and pass TP test on the first time. Alot of cons should I not. Its not going to be easy.

Its been raining alot. *takes a glance at the sky* yeap. the sky looks like its going to empty its contents anytime soon. Rain anytime any day but not when there's soccer please. *says a prayer to the weather man*

I'm just plain bored.

2 major events take place in September. Car and botak.

If you get what i mean.

Just the other day there was an ambulance at my block and some activity going on in a house on my level. Less than 4 hours later there was preparations for a funeral at the bottom of the block. They sure do work fast.

My parents than mentioned about the recruitment drive as my dad attended another funeral someplace else. The recruitment drive referring to the 7th month hungry ghost festival.

Life.

How fragile it is.

I had a new driving instructor the other day who was complaining of a pain in his knee. Usually even more pain on rainy days. He then asked me why it hurts. I replied it maybe due to old age. He said this.

Its a form of suffering so as humans won't want to stay on earth too long. Looking forward to going to heaven when all pain are gone. Thus there is sickness too.

Which is quite true.

Randomness. Pardon me.

*yawn*

The weather's nice now. I just wish I could cuddle with her under the blankets. Hold her close and not let go. Thats all i ask for. :)

Shall update soon. Hope the next post shall be an interesting one!

Saturday, July 19, 2008, 2:21 AM

Damnit

I was in the shower and thinking...

Come to think of it, I don't think she'll do the same for me.

Even meeting 2 people she don't know scares her.

Oh wells.

Expectations should always be lowered. Or not.

Oh ya. *****. This guy here is really getting on my nerves. Don't ask.

Thursday, July 17, 2008, 11:27 PM

End Of Studying

EXAMS ARE FINALLY OVER.

But that feeling of relief after every exam just isn't there. Like there's something else still to be done. Or maybe i'm just tired. Right now, I still don't feel that relief.

Media tech and development on tuesday, marketing today. Surprisingly, a few of us felt marketing was tougher. Stupid jeffrey. 5 questions inclusive of part a part b?! even omar is more understanding with 4 straight forward questions. argh.

Monday, July 14, 2008, 10:06 PM

5 Months

5 Months

and counting...

Although we have our ups and downs.

Even when all seems gone, everything seemed lost,

I still want to say that, these 5 months spent with you are the best 5 months I ever had in my life.

Never regretted, never looked back.

Hopefully with many more months, years spent with you. ((:

Love you darling. ((:

Friday, July 11, 2008, 6:56 PM

Madness

Match on saturday.

Match on sunday.

Exam on tuesday.

Exam on thursday.

WOOOOOOOOO. Madness.

Just hope it doesn't rain. It seems to rain everyday now. C'mon pray with me. hahaha..

And i won't be seeing her for the next 6 days! alot of factors. school. exams and stuffs. ahhhh. kill me.

can thursday come now.

NOW...

pretty please.

the fella incharge of the time.

turn it to thursday.

now...

*closes eyes*

*takes a peek*

isit thursday yet??!!!!

HAHA..

c'mon. this is taking too long.

thursday, here i come!!!

OHYAH. I need to go for more driving lessons already. TP test in sept! omg. the instructor said ard 9? to complete everything. faints.

hope i pass it first time. than i won't have to worry about lessons. and i can start driving! weee.. lol.

2:17 AM

Forget The Cheerleader

"Thursday, July 10, 2008

Forget the Cheerleader!

For everything good in this world, there's always something bad
A beautiful world we have and its full of pollution...
Computers and internet, and yet there's viruses...
we have medicines that can cure illnesses but don't forget there's also drugs that kill like poison...
and then, there's good people like you and me, but there's also Nicholas Chee!

I don't think people in this world are meant to be bad. Thats just me. I always look for the good in people. But again i am human and forgive me if I'm being cruel here. To me, there are no bad people in this world, only good people in bad situations. I'm very sure its true, but there's only one person thats trying to prove it wrong unknowingly and thats Nick. He's a person who doesn't seem to understand the real world so instead he creates his own. Now, u may think its okay for him to live in his own world, but wait, his own world seems to be as big as the real world we're living in. And since his big big world is such a lonely place, he tend to share it with the people he's surrounded with.
His delusions are out of this world. He thinks likable and cool. The slightest act of kindness from to him, will be misinterpreted for love. For guys, he'll think you've become his "bro"!
What's up with that?
And for goodness sake, if u wanna be in your own ugly world atleast be aware of the real things happening in the real world like maybe global warming, politics and US, THE PEOPLE WHO CARE LESS ABOUT YOU!
Sure i don't hate people, i just tolerate! I care less about things not important to me.
If u know this guy, and u wanna change the world then, all i have to say is...
forget the cheerleader, CHANGE NICHOLAS, SAVE THE WORLD!

*woosh (peace out)

Posted by PEN! at 9:02 AM 0 criticism"

LOL! This is taken from min's blog. Really can make someone laugh. thats if you know who we're talking about. hehehe..

Sunday, July 06, 2008, 6:55 PM

I'm proved wrong.

And I'm ecstatic that i was. seriously. it really made me happy even though she kinda failed. =x
but the saying goes, its the thought that counts. :))))

I have one thing to say.

That I love her.

Alot,

Alot.

and alot.

:)))

Really appreciated what she did but i'm not gonna reveal here. =P
Thanks darling!

Friday, July 04, 2008, 7:27 PM

Prove me wrong.

Thursday, July 03, 2008, 7:43 PM

The only thing I ever wanted
Was the feeling that you ain't faking

5:53 PM

Words Unsaid

Words Unsaid

tossing and turning on the bed,
all night thinking about what you said,
started out as strangers and then friends,
now as lovers but is it near the end,
holding a glass ready to toast,
able to inflict pain this you boast,
no holds barred taken on a ride,
whats round the bend leaves anyone wide eyed,
something's about to collide,
put the words aside,
cause talk is dirt cheap,
leave the dead to weep,
thats what my soul ended up,
dead,
the words unsaid,
dead,
the thoughts unsaid,
dead,
what else can you do,
what else is needed,
a smile into a frown,
you keep breaking us down,
out of nothing,
out of nothing,
raise a hand and ask why,
would you like that,
put yourself in my shoes,
would you like that,
think what i'm thinking,

out all alone in the cold,
I used to be worth my weight in gold,
you tell me i'm important to you,
than you go about like i never really do,
maybe you take me for granted,
or that my love is planted,
so much so that you could do anything,
and i'll still be there hanging on a string,
you speak of your feelings for me,
but sometimes its unable to see,
to see of the love you have for me,
cause i know sometimes it ain't there,
what am i supposed to believe, that you really did care?
you say one thing and mean the other,
you go about talking to another,
your words carry doubts,
its the last inning, oh wait, its called for out,

maybe i broke your heart in the life before,
so much so that you hate me to the core,
and now you're back to hit me back with more,
why can't it be so simple,
a cute little dimple,
a love that we could depend on,
without doubts that the next day you'll be gone,
you find fault in everything we go through,
is your love really true,
one day you take me to the skies,
the next you bring me down and everything dies,
who the hell love and not love a person at the same time,
is that what you consider love, oh what a crime,

you expect me to be able to read your mind,
you expect me to be there when you don't even speak up,
and you get angry when i don't,
tell me,
tell me,
what am i supposed to do,
its like moving mountains,
its like moving god damned mountains.
you have a choice,
to prove me wrong,
or just run along.

Wednesday, July 02, 2008, 9:01 PM

DEAD BEFORE THE DAY IS OVER

DEAD BEFORE THE DAY IS OVER

On off on off on off on off on off on off on off on off on off, there it goes like a frequently used switch.

School finished on monday. Or should I say lessons finished on monday. There's still exams to come though. and i'm supposed to have started on studying. i need motivation! argh.

Talk is cheap.

My mum needed my help for her school sales for ytd and today after she learnt that i didn't have school.

And i had to wake up at 6am. *runs around in circles*

Thats like earlier than school. even earlier than secondary school. *runs around in circles*

I have no idea why i'm running around in circles.

Headed for one primary school in jurong and started setting up stall there. tables and stuffs. display the items for sale and we were in business.

Canteen sales are madness. They come in hordes all with their own demands and sometimes they don't even know what they want. If you want to experience the madness, feel free to apply for a job. Its good paying though.

After that, I met her for pizza! But it was damn early for dinner. We finished eating at 7 when dinner usually starts.

Bloated and contented cause she wanted to satisfy her pizza craving for quite a while already, we left and headed for no where in particular. Didn't have a place in mind, so she suggested we walk to a park near her house which we have not been before.

Pit stop : bubble tea shop.

We actually spent 3 hours there without realising it but it was fun.

There were slides, things that make you giddy like crazy and many other things. Hang over for the giddiness lasted till today. sian.

There was this exercise corner where we did turns and stuffs. lazy to elaborate.

And there were stupid mosquitoes.

Argh.

I can't read your mind, sometimes you have to tell me what you want and not expect it.

Stupid mosquitoes.

I'm beat. Sleeping late and waking up early for 3 days is taking a toll on me.

And I'm off.

Don't bother about me. Cause you obviously don't. Not right now.